b.l.e.s.s.e.d

after exams, I am so going to marina south pier!!!

I'll breathe that fresh air and SHOUT and eat ice cream at the boat-restaurant again.

I feel like buying myself a bouquet of flowers. *LOL* just a random thought. (cos I recalled the photos I took with Shuning over there haha.. with the bride's bouquet of roses.)

and I want to get out of Singapore!

no more KL/Ipoh =(

and I so want to go HK but its so freaking expensive.



friday, 4th Dec - CG overnight
saturday, 5th Dec - cousin's wedding
monday, 7th Dec - Eileen's exams, Ming han reservice

that week, I might switch off my handphone for a day. haha. like always. I'll most probably be at the playground.






I remember that pair of eyes assuring me when I had problems. I remember that look on your face when you're angry. I remember your patience when you teach me little things along the way. I remember how you sit quietly opposite me, listening even when I don't make sense.

God.
draw me closer to you.







aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!







suddenly feel like I really have no one to talk to.. not like chua minghan who has so freaking many people he can talk to. ok. its my own fault. i'm the one who usually doesnt want to say, not so much of having no one to talk to. and even if i want to talk i dont know how to start. aiyah. freaking many things on my mind, and no, they're all my own problems. how la. people are leaving, time is passing, and i'm still where i am.

those straws are still on my table. and i never got down to doing. that bunch of strings, half-done friendship band is still in my wardrobe, and i haven't got down to finishing. that running, this shopping, those promises. and i want to sit on bus 3, 72 and 151 again. hahahahahaha. i can't believe i listed those three buses! all long journeys. one to north east, one to north, another to the west. there's still the chalet. i should try to finish the friendship band before that, and give it back with the ____ so that i can fully put down everything. put down everything? no. that sounds weird. hmm... i meant.. hmm.. i just dont want to not fulfill my promise. haha. *ego-me*
whatever.

and we still have val's bday to celebrate, her present's with me. and people to catch up with. i hope jimmy comes back to singapore so that we can have a good laugh over the meal together. i want to find melanie, and maybe renew the friendship we used to have back in primary school. i dont know if shes busy with her boyfriend though. i want to talk to so many people. what about supper with fots? and driving test? learning flash? i learnt a little of photoshop last holidays and now i want to learn flash. who can help? i can't possibly ask him right? its so weird. i want to watch SOS, infinity challenge, family outing..blah blah blah.. so many things that i want to do and gee. i know i can't finish them. i want to bring my mum out for a good shopping trip, manicure, pedicure, facial. but. AH.

on top of all that, there's CHRISTMAS!

i am freaking myself out.

oh wells. i need them.

I NEED TO BE ORGANIZED.


is it the first time that I'm writing like this? cos i'm like talking to myself. OK, a blog has always been like talking to yourself. i dont think its weird. its perfectly normal to me. hmmm...



anyway, this sem... i revealed a secret of mine. lol. i dont like to bathe. BUT, its not until like KIM ok. haha. i'm just lazy to bathe. but i like bathing. ok... that means... when someone asks me to bath (obviously only my family does that), i will.... bath a few hours after all the nagging etc.. lol. and when i'm doing my stuff, and if its inconvenient, i really dont mind not bathing. HAHA. but i like it when i bathe, that means, when i'm in the bath. i can bath for a whole hour. honest. honest. ok. thats the end of my recently-exposed-secret. =p




am I under a lot of stress recently?
yes. i wont deny. but i think i'm still thinking too lightly of things. I haven't put much thought into things. even my studies. hmm. i'm still slacking when i'm at home. tsk tsk. and thats very bad. i think the stress is helping alot though. at least for the last 40 hrs before each exam. hmmm. and alot of people have been encouraging me, overlooking me, giving me a pat on my shoulder, and even a simple 'are u ok?' is pushing me forward.
'when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.' i pray hard hard that i continue on.
'be willing to accept a temporary inconvenience or a permanent improvement.' this saying is still stuck on the wall beside my desk. I still need to learn alot on this. procrastination gets over me most of the time. oh wells. some people are going to ask me 'so what does the bible speaks about procrastination?' yes, I wanted to answer this almost a year ago. omg. i still haven't got down to finish it! and no, i wont say the 40 years in desert again! super amusing.




one last thing.
is it really weird if i say 'what the hell'?
random thought. i still remember his look when i said that once long ago. i wonder how i looked like back then. i think i was really pissed. and the way i said it probably felt like i was say '**** off' to him. =\ i dont know.




ok all random thoughts. the effect of studying.

b.l.e.s.s.e.d

its weird how empty the room is... with about half of the people from our unit... and some others from youth...

People are tired. Some have finished. Good for them..

Michelle, 加油!! GAMBATTE NE!

b.l.e.s.s.e.d

it is illogical for someone to blog more during exam period... huh.


from facebook.... (which I can't publish them cos my cousins will see it!! so today, i decided to post it on my blog instead. *why haven't I ever thought of this??*)

On this day of your life, Michelle, we believe God wants you to know ... that it is time to finally forgive yourself.

You've carried the guilt, the shame for long enough. You've kept your wounds open for long enough. The time has to come to let go, to heal. Keep the lessons and let the pain heal. Yes, you know what we are talking about it.




Reminds me of the song 'Heal the wound but leave the scar'. Someone (I can't remember her name) and Wanqi sang it in service earlier this year.
And yes, I do know what. The wound's been open for long enough. Time to heal.

Quite interesting.. recently I was thinking of writing a song about God being our band-aid. But, of course, since its exam period, I pushed that thought aside. I don't know if I'll ever start and finish the song... hehehe. lazy lazy michelle...


and no, you're not seeing things wrongly. its 3am now. I'm in school. Had Psychology paper earlier in the evening (yesterday rather). Not too good. Oh wells.

next up, major playwrights in the 20th century and microeconomics. I hope I'll do super well for my microeconomics! Aiming for an A. I think that's the only one I can get an A for =(

lifting up everything to God. and I do mean EVERYTHING.

b.l.e.s.s.e.d



This is what I received in my email today. Despite having so many things thats happening in my life now, I'm really glad that I choose to sit down and listen to God.

Some things I ask/that caught my eyes when I was reading this...
1. What constitutes a meaningful and rewarding relationship?
In other words, what makes a relationship meaningful? Especially to Christians. How can a Godly relationship be different and much more fulfilling than one of the world out there? Whats the MEANING behind relationship. It can be all kinds of relationship, between fellow siblings in Christ, in courtships, in family and all..
Rewarding. What am I expecting out of the relationships that I have with people? with my sheep, shepherd, CL, CG, church, family, friends...
Its been too long.. I've been drifting in the river, letting the river push me forward... and when wind comes, sometimes, I even go backwards. Not wanting is something I ought to be ashamed of! Because not wanting leads to laziness and that gives so so much opportunity for the devil to pull me away from God when I could have jolly well used whatever I have to grow in the Lord. Not wanting means I can't be sure if I want to grow. No expectations, no achievements, no rewards experienced.

2. Constant interchange of love and joy.
Love, Joy. These 2 words appear in the bible for God-knows how many times! Interchange is a very interesting word to use here. It reminds me of what Guan Zhen showed us during the last Sub D. when she poured the water from one cup to another, that we fill each other up. So true! when we're 'low in supply', find someone to let them pour into us! when we're 'high in supply', be a source of provision for those 'low in supply'! Doing this not just so that you'll be emptied or back to the original state, but JUST SO THAT PEOPLE CAN BE FILLED UP BY YOU, OR RATHER GOD, THROUH YOU. and that's the main point!

3. the core of what attracts genuine, lasting happiness can only be found within yourself.
come on, the God-shaped heart is waiting to be filled.

4. "What is the experience teaching me?" Absorb the lesson and move on.
Amen. Amen. Amen.
For myself, its so hard to understand things that are happening in my life. But when God tells, WOW. isnt that amazing? even a tiny little seemingly insignificant thing like learning to play guitar instead of organ(electone) like my sisters have a purpose. God is so detailed.

b.l.e.s.s.e.d


I remember seeing this before.. blogging this before..
but I just saw this again and.. aw..

b.l.e.s.s.e.d

b.l.e.s.s.e.d

Hey everyone,

Lee Lao Shi will be leaving AHS after the end of this year. She will be teaching in the School of The Arts instead. AHSCDS will not be under her care anymore.

Lan Lao Shi would like us to go back during this year's drama camp to show her our appreciation and treat it as a minifarewell. She also welcome everyone to watch their internal xiao pin bi sai. The final night of drama camp is on 18 Nov Wednesday, 7pm(xiao pin bi sai), 9pm(if you do not want to watch xiao pin). They will be at the old school hall.

Do inform people from your batch, as i'm sure everyone would want to be there to give Lee Lao Shi a hug. Lets give Lee Lao Shi a surprise, please do not sms/email/call leelaoshi regarding this, she might have a hard time replying to all of us. Lets give her a farewell on that night.





oh my. she built this up and...

b.l.e.s.s.e.d

I hope that I'll always be able to say "that's unlike you" rather than "why are you like this?"

the kind of trust and hope before judging people.

because I don't want to be treated that way too. its awful.




oh how long have I not ran or simply exercised??
the last time I went to gym...with shuning. so long ago.
oh oh. the basketball session. yes.
unhealthy lifestyle. totally.
and I'm so so craving for mcnuggets now.

how unhealthy my life is now.

I should learn to immerse myself in some things. cannot go hungry for too long.


they say humans can only love a thing (or someone) for 2 years.. as in biologically. the rest is responsibility. that's so sad. and to a large extent, I guess yes, it does get tiring after 2 years or so. my love for tidiness in my room stops after 2 weeks. LOL. so perhaps, we should renew and revive our love for whatever-it-is every 2 years. hahaha


and can't YOU just make things easier and stop me from thinking whatever I'm thinking and feeling whatever I'm feeling. such thoughts and feelings I cannot understand why. who would struggle in such a thing??? in not knowing exactly what I'm thinking and feeling, and not understanding.

b.l.e.s.s.e.d

my mama is getting a little weird nowadays.......

she can't wait to see me married. but to me, its still seems so far!!